revise the essay according to the following guideline.
In order to strengthen your thesis, consider the following revision strategy and questions:
Identify your opponent’s argument. Now refute what your opponent says point by point.
Here are some questions the other side might pose:
· Will the restaurant have trouble hiring new wait staff considering how poorly Ashley was treated? The reality was that was a very cheap tip and waitresses rely on tips.
· Could the restaurant use Facebook in a positive way to stand up for their employees and encourage generous tipping?
· Should she have been allowed to apologize on Facebook?
· She was trying to point out a cheap customer!
· Did Ashley really sign a binding contract?
· This situation seems like a violation of personal rights.
PARAGRAPH STRUCTURE & ORGANIZATION:
In your CSR you indicated a need to work on support and paragraph development. These two areas are connected, make sure you consider all points of view from the case study which in turn will develop each paragraph. Consider the following strategy:
BODY PARAGRAPH MODEL
Topic Sentence: states the main idea of this paragraph and shows how it supports the thesis; also, you can demonstrate the progression of your thoughts (what is the relationship of this paragraph to the preceding one)?
Additional information/observation: set up for evidence with specific background info, identify key players in the debate, clarifying specific terms.
Evidence: expert opinion, example, fact, statistical or logical argument.
Critical Thinking: analyzes, explains, or evaluates the evidence.
Additional Evidence: a related piece of expert opinion, example, fact, statistical or logical argument.
Further Critical Thinking: analyzes, explains, or evaluates this second piece of evidence; synthesizes ideas between multiple pieces of evidence.
o See this link for the worksheet version: Body Paragraph Model
This section is short and vague, please revise according to the assignment guidelines: Introduction: Inform the reader of the company your evaluation will discuss, the problem the company faced, and the solution the company implemented. You can use 2 or 3 paragraphs for your introduction. End your introduction with your thesis statement.SENTENCES (SYNTAX & GRAMMAR):
*Here are some sentences that need revision with a rewritten example following each one:
1. By complaining that a customer occupied a table for three hours and left a small tip $5, Ashley was communication would be interpreted that BRIXX restaurant does not appreciate customers who have no or little tips to give to their employees.
**REWRITTEN: Ashley complained about the customer who occupied a table for three hours and only left a $5 tip for her on Facebook. This, in turn, could be interpreted that the BRIXX restaurant does not appreciate their customers.
2. This is a confusing and lengthy topic sentence: Social media is a powerful tool and has established a hyper-connected culture, whereby posts and comments made on these platforms are read and shared by millions of people.
**REWRITTEN: Social media is a powerful tool for businesses to use to foster growth and revenue. Then use the rest of it in your body paragraph as part of the support.